Chung Chung!

I am kind of a Law & Order junkie. I have my MythTV programmed to record every Law & Order that's on TV. Law & Order must be pretty popular, because back when I had cable, it was on about twelve different channels at any given time of the day. It would fill my DVR to capacity on a daily basis; the poor machine was relegated to record endlessly -- hourly tuning into NBC, TNT, USA... These words have been uttered through my TV more than any others:

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

I'm lucky that Kjersti enjoys the show too (or pretends to), and that I don't have to hear sighs of disappointment when I start flipping through the recordings. Tonight it was hard to find an episode we hadn't already seen. We started two or three and read the synopses of a few others before we finally found a Criminal Intent we hadn't seen. I don't like the spin-off series as much. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and Law & Order: Criminal Intent. The original is by far the best, although Detective Goren in CI is a fascinating character.

My favorite character of all time is Jack McCoy. For like 10 years he was the Executive Assistant District Attorney; the lead prosecutor; the ruthless knight out to fight against the scum of the Earth. He'll promise justice to the victims' family and deliver on that promise. He's a workaholic and will take cases personally if they involve child abuse or racism or something he finds particularly offensive. He'll humiliate the guilty defendant and their lawyer during all stages of the process. At the end of the show, the defense will deliver their closing statement... They'll be very compelling and you'll worry as you see jurors nodding. But Jack invariably destroys the competition with his closing words, which are always delivered lucidly and unequivocally. To him, the laws of murder and manslaughter are unambiguous. Right and wrong are black and white. He's passionate and he rarely loses. He's since been promoted to District Attorney, but he still micro-manages some of the cases. He has a hard time letting go of the executive prosecution role.

That role has been taken by a new character, Michael Cutter, whom I'm really starting to like as well. He has a similar fierceness to him. His eyes are almost as intense as McCoy's.

Besides my secret fantasy to be a prosecuting attorney, I like the show because each episode is basically a self-contained story. Despite the character development I described just now, the show really does not depend on having followed the series. You don't need to watch them in order. (There's a bad pun in there somewhere around the word "order" but we had enough of those at Martin's party last night). They don't usually delve into the personal lives of the characters, except on SVU which is one of the reasons I don't like that series as much. That and Detective Stabler looks like a thumb and Ice-T just isn't that great of an actor.

The format of the show is basically: crime scene, investigation, trial. Likewise you see: victims, detectives, prosecutors. There are often a few red herrings at the beginning but usually you know who the perpetrator is by the middle of the show. The only constant characters are the cops and state lawyers. The criminals, victims, judges, etc. are always a mix of guest stars and corny but attractive young unknown actors. Probably one of the most annoying things about the show is how these side characters are so unrealistic at times. I mean in terms of their interactions with the police. I mean, the cops show up to ask questions and they're always busy doing something. Like a business man who makes the detectives follow him from his office to whatever meeting he's going to; or the woman who just has to do her laundry while they're asking her questions; or the student who cuts the detectives off to say they have to get to class. They're always on the move. Busy with some mundane task. I'm pretty sure if some homicide detectives were asking me about someone I know who was murdered, I'd invite them in to sit down, or just show up a little late for class.

I once heard the creator Dick Wolfe on NPR talking about how the episodes are "ripped from the headlines". And how they literally base some of the stories on solely the headlines of current events. That always adds another interesting element to the show. (I think we've seen two episodes about deadly chemicals in chinese manufactured toothpaste and mouthwash.) But since the writers base everything on just a headline, the plot always diverges from the actual story.

Overall, it's one of my favorite TV shows. And has been since I was about 12. One Wednesday night in high school TR called me and I let it go to voicemail. He left a message saying, "Hey Greg, you're probably watching Law & Order, but when you get this..." You were right, TR. Sorry I missed your call!

Union Reunion

Tonight we got together with Nick Kuwada, his girlfriend, and a couple of their friends for Nick's birthday. Nick and I go back to high school (maybe middle school?). We also went to college together at the University of Utah where we both worked at the student union as building managers. It was a fun, crazy job. Just to share some samples of the many things we did there:

• Shifts from 4pm to anywhere from 11:30pm to 3am (sometimes the whole night if there was a LAN party).
• Given way too much responsibility / free reign over the building.
• Bringing lawn chairs onto the roof and inviting girls to watch the sun set over the Great Salt Lake.
  
• Covering the information desk, the "rec desk" (where they sold candy and rented out pool tables), and the bowling alley when they needed a break. There was a girl whose name neither of us could remember, but she would ask for a break about every 15 minutes. I hated working when I saw her name on the schedule.
  
• Coordinating events including but not limited to:
• Magic The Gathering tournaments
• All-night LAN parties
• High School Dances
• Bahai Club
• Campus Crusade for Christ
• A Bangladeshi Wedding that went way too late. (I sat in the kitchen waiting and waiting and waiting for hours. I didn't have the heart to kick them out.)
  
• The Canadian olympic team's rowdy parties in 2002
• LDS president Gordon B. Hinckley talks
• Blackalicious, The Shins, Macy Gray concerts
• The Objectivist Club, the leader of which started stalking me when she found out my middle name is Rourk
  
• Speaking of weddings, there was another building on campus that would "borrow" us from time to time to manage after hours events. The Alumni House. I once spent three hours picking up rice in the cracks in the pavement, because the bride insisted on throwing rice, and I was worried about the birds. Another time the mother of the bride came and found me sleeping upstairs. I thought the door was locked: "Oh, we couldn't find you. We need help with the DVD player." *yawn*... "Ok, I'll be right there. Just let me put my shoes on."
  
• The building was a very strange 1950s experiment in postmodern architecture. There was this one wing that had a second floor, except it was called the third floor, and it didn't have an elevator. But there were classrooms up there, so legally it had to be accessible. So they retrofitted a wheelchair lift on the stairs. Problem was, it ran on batteries which, when fully charged, could either get you all the way up or down, but not both. So if you went up you had to wait four hours to come back down. I usually tried to reschedule people to other rooms, but sometimes you couldn't and several times I was verbally abused by obese women on rascals. But they were right. If there was a fire or something...
  
• One time there was a LAN party and a high school dance at the same time. The gamers liked to put their Alienware computers on these maintenance carts we had and push them the party room. To get to the party room you had to go through the ballroom, where the dance was. Mixing both extremes of the teenage social spectrum is entertaining, to say the least. We ended up having to sneak the geeks through the back hallway, like a hidden passageway.
• Speaking of hidden passageways, there were tunnels in the boiler room downstairs that went to other buildings. One time I spent my whole shift spelunking... Past the "Danger Asbestos" signs, past the rat droppings... Only to come out on the other side of the boiler room!
• Outside of the boiler room was rape alley. So called because sometimes we'd find strange men back there, and it was very dark, and a female employee finally insisted that they install lights and give us pepper spray on our massive, prison warden keychain.
• We had keys to everything, including the back rooms of the food court, where I would go to get condiments, fountain soda, and packs of paper bowls and plastic spoons for my Easy Mac.
• They had these parties we were supposed to manage put on by a student volunteer group that would go until 4am, Crimson Nights. Seemed like there was always some kind of gang fight or violence of some sort. I must've helped fill out about ten police reports.
• I'd disable the BIOS passwords and remove the Windows passwords on the nice office desktops that belonged to my boss and her boss... And we'd install Warcraft 3 and play all night, often locking ourselves in the office and telling everyone else we were too busy to give breaks.
• I never liked kicking people out, but I was good at it. Homeless guys who booed at me when I turned off the History Channel and told 'em we were closing. The weird guy who would sexually harass the girls at the rec. desk. Cranking on the lights at the high school dance that was going too late. They were all no problem. The worst: the student government. They'd have their little meetings where they'd play government. I was always told to never let them go past 11pm, that it was a problem. Usually around 11:45pm I'd finally tell them to leave. It would go like this. I'd walk in and tell them they had to leave in 15 minutes, they were already late. They'd look at me like, "who does this guy think he is? I'm student body president." I'd come back and tell them to take their little UN nameplates and leave the building. Usually they were in disbelief and would scoff at me, because I interrupted some very important legislation. Then I'd call the person at the information desk on my walkie talkie and tell them to call security. Then they'd leave.

Anyway, I could go on listing things but I realized this probably isn't as exciting to read as it is for me to remember. Despite all the adventure, I mostly did homework, read books, and watched Strongbad Emails. But it was a great job.

Life Lesson

In 7th Grade I had this teacher Mrs. Green. One day, at the end of January, she told us that for the month of February she was going to bring a basket of candy every day. Enough for all of us! Obviously, we thought that was pretty awesome. But she went on to say that we could only have one piece for the whole month. I knew there was a catch! But it sounded sort of like a riddle, so I was excited.

Later that week, on the first of February, she came to class with a big ol' basket of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. About ten kids took one. I love peanut butter cups, but I was wise enough to wait. After all, there was a whole month of options coming.

On the following day she brought Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies. Mmmmm... One of my favorites. But I had some at home, so I felt comfortable letting this one go. Only two or three kids took one this time. I think everyone was starting to catch on. Several kids who had taken a Reese's the day before got upset when it was reiterated that they only got one for the whole month, and they had already chosen. Some of them didn't understand the "rule" when they chose the Reese's. I think some kids cried. Losers who didn't listen, I thought.

Valentine's day came, and I was pretty excited about the prospect of something really good. The options so far had all been about equal in my mind. I was holding out for that king size Butterfinger or a giant bag of jelly beans or an entire cake to myself or... The possibilities were endless! Mrs. Green's class was the final class of the day, and I was so excited all day about what the candy was going to be. It was Valentine's, it must be something really good! Boy was I mistaken. She brought the basket out and it looked empty! She reached in and took out one of those stupid little hearts. You know, those little chalky ones that say, "Be Mine" or whatever? Yeah, no one went for that. We all had like a hundred that day already. She must think we're idiots!

Eventually we got to the last week of the month. Most people who were left were like me, trying to hold out for the possibility -- what we thought was a certainty -- that the last day would be like the grand finale. For many days in a row, no one took anything! All of us who had patiently waited were surely to be rewarded. But really, our expectations were growing. Could anything really exceed our imaginations? Most of the class had already chosen something and eaten their candy. They just watched as the rest of us greedily held out for something better. It was interesting that some were apparently happy with their decision and defended it to the end. If someone was hungry one day and took a 3 Muskateers, they were sure to explain over and over that 3 Muskateers is their favorite candy bar. We have a need to feel like we made the right choice. Ambiguity and uncertainty are difficult to handle.

End of the month. The last day. Boy, I had missed some good opportunities. The previous week she overheard a big debate in the hall about whether she was going to bring the big one on the last day. Everyone who was left, including me, were like celebrities. We were being watched and analyzed so closely. After class I'd literally get interviewed about why I decided not to go for the Starbursts. "Because the big one's coming..." Oh, I was so certain of myself...

Milky way. That was it! Not a king size Milky Way. Not even a regular size Milky Way. Not even a "fun size" Milky Way. On the last day she brought a basket full of miniature Milky Ways! We're talking those little tiny half-a-bite ones that barely give you a taste -- barely a hint of a Milky Way.

All of us remaining -- I think only three or four of us -- got up and slowly walked to the front and reached into the basket -- shoving our hands deep at that final glimmer of hope that there was something really good buried in there. I took the candy and set it in the middle of my desk and stared down at it for the entire period. I hated it. I wanted to smash it. Finally, on the bus home, I unwrapped it and savored it. I took really small bites to make it last. I convinced myself that I made the right decision. And to this day, Milky Way is and always has been my favorite candy bar.

Interesting fact: if you turned down the first 7 options and then took the next candy that was better than any of the previous ones, you'd have roughly a 37% chance of getting the best one. And you can't do any better.