Other People

I want to try to write on my blog more.  Hold me to it.

You know what's annoying?  Other People.  I know, that's a negative and general thing to say.  But I mean it in the sense of, not you...  Other People.  Here are some examples:

You know when you go to a movie and there's that guy with his group of friends?  I think there has to be at least four of them.  And he has some clever quip he wishes to share with the group...  Only, he really wishes to share it with the whole theater, to impress the group.  Sometimes, to impress the whole theater.  So he doesn't tell his joke, he announces it.  Like, "Wait a minute.  This isn't Transformers!!"  Har har.  I mean, I can sort of respect someone who has the guts to come up with something funny and read the crowd to see if the general sentiment is there and put on a mini-performance.  But it's kind of pathetic when he just halfway does it, like, starts out loud and then tapers off cuz he's nervous.  And then -- this is when it gets really bad -- he announces it again, like, Hmm, nobody heard me the first time.  And sometimes his friends -- probably the ones closest to him -- will, out of embarrassment, laugh louder than usual, to kinda help him along and to join in on the performance, and draw some more attention to their darling little clan.

Or you know when you get off the train or the plane or whatever, and that person is walking in front of you, veering left and then right so you can't pass them, taking up the whole width of space?  Usually an older person who's sort of lost and kinda snappy about it...  And they just stop there.  Like right at the end of the jetway or right on the train platform.  Totally oblivious.  And they often have one of those bags with wheels that they drag behind them, like right below your field of vision, just in the perfect place to trip you up as you collide into their bubble.  And then there's this chain reaction, people piling up behind you, everyone annoyed.  Now here's where it gets bad: you get stuck in a vacuum.  Just like when you're behind that semi truck in the right-hand lane on the highway, and the cars behind you start passing and you can't gain enough speed to make your move into the other lane.  But it's worse, cuz now you're tripping over a bag and you don't have that windshield of anonymity.  You can't vent your frustration by yelling in the privacy of your own car.  All you have is the exasperated sigh, as you try to maneuver past this idiot who can't decide if they're going this way or that way.  They're usually trying to avoid making eye contact or acknowledging you.  So, as a defense mechanism, they get annoyed with you!  Usually right after you let out the sigh.  Like, "Ooh, EXCUSE ME FOR BEING IN YOUR WAY!"  Well, yeah, you're in my way!  Move.  Oh, and often it mixes with the first kind of Other Person, where they decide to say loudly enough for everyone around them that, "This airport layout is totally stupid!"

Or you know those busybodies who like to tell you how to do something.  Complete strangers!  This happens a lot when you have a puppy.  I'm sure it's a million times worse when you have kids.  People feel entitled to tell you what you ought to be doing.  I hate this because often it's a matter of opinion.  But even when it's not, you're unsolicited little factoid puts me in the position of doing one of three things: 1) saying, "Yes, I know that," 2) saying, "No that is false," or 3) thinking, I've never heard that before, thanks, but since you're a stranger, I'm skeptical.  67% chance you're not being helpful, and 100% chance you're putting me off.  But like I said, usually it's an opinion anyway.  Now, no two opinions are the same, and as a corollary of that law I'm not going to agree with you.  So now I'm in the position of indulging you or telling you I disagree.  I never asked for this!  Opinions are like ass holes: everybody's got one and most of them stink!  And they should be kept to yourself when you're out in public.

Anyway, there are a lot of things about Other People that are annoying that I could write about all night.  But this is probably enough cynicism for one post.